We Choose How Much Of The World We Let In

(I took this from a journal entry a few months ago, I’m typing it word by word. No hate, mate.)

 

March 9th, 2014

“Life goes on is a redundancy. Life is defined by its going on. We breathe in the world. We choose how much of the world we let in. We’re like insulators, all of us.” 

I don’t believe we always have a choice. There is always a choice, but that doesn’t mean it’s ours to make. Fate doesn’t exist. It’s just something we say to comfort ourselves when things go wrong, or when they end up the way that makes us happy. But that’s not fate, that’s just the future. (“The future is composed of nows.” Taken from Emily Dickinson’s quote, “Forever is composed of nows.” I prefer mine because it’s just more solid to grasp.) 

So many of us need a huge mistake to right our wrongs, but we should be doing that in the first place. We shouldn’t need a cause for our actions.

Yet we do.

We rely on everything too much. We’re so selfish that we don’t even see that not everything has something to rely on.

Sometimes, it’s okay to let go.

Sometimes, when we care too much, we end up hurting everyone around us. But sometimes, it’s okay to care.

Embrace your fears, control them. The only thing you should fear is fear itself. You are your own downfall.

 

(Yeah, this is kind of dark. If any of you found this even remotely interesting, please do tell me. I have a lot more entries like this and I don’t mind posting them. I find it easier and less stressful to write things on paper. My dad has a friend over at our house and he’s staying with us for a couple days, but he just sits on the couch on his phone all day. Antisocial much? It’s not like I can talk. On with playing guitar now, I’m out.)

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

Wanderlust

Okay, so I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.

wanderlust; a strong desire to travel.

Places I would like to go (in no specific order):

  • Alaska (The reason why is oddly stupid. I’ve been there when I was 7 so I don’t exactly remember everything so I want to go back and re-enjoy the whole experience. Plus, one of my favorite books, ‘Looking for Alaska’, well, the title says it all. Although the book has nothing to do with Alaska except for a name.)
  • Amsterdam (Unknown to me, this is a city of freedom. I’ve always loved the thought of liberation and everything about it so why not? “And in freedom, most people find sin.”)
  • Vienna (Also said to be called “The City of Dreams”. It has a huge music legacy and I just want to stay there and make music. Maybe its legacy will inspire me.)
  • Paris (This is cliché: I want to go there and fall in love, but with the city itself. Even though I never had the best experience with French people, I would just love to go there and enjoy the city with its people.)
  • Greece (Mostly Athens and other cities where Greek mythology runs deepest. When I was a kid I used to love myths, I still do now. I guess it’s the fact that a myth has the possibility of being true, it’s that spark of hope that makes it so daring.)
  • Fiji (Simply because my friends told me it’s amazing.)
  • Pompeii (I’ve been there before but I want to go again. For those who don’t know, there was a huge volcanic eruption and basically everything buried have been preserved because of lack of air and moisture. I just want to go find a quiet place, sit down and write. It sounds weird maybe, but I want to be in the presence of something ancient. If that made sense.)
  • Antarctica (Why Antarctica but not the Arctic? Simple: the South Pole. Well, obviously just not because of that, but I have this childish fantasy of writing Santa a letter and then burying it under the snow. Yeah, like I said, childish.)

 

There are definitely more places I’d like to visit, but these are mostly fantasies because the things I want to do there aren’t exactly worth going there for.

One other thing I’ve always wanted to do is to go on a backpacking trip across Europe with a friend in the Summer. But I’ll probably want to wait until I’m at least 18.

I’m going to Seattle today, the only reason I’m really going is because I have nothing better to do at home. Anyways, I’m out.

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

Online Band Jam

So last year, I had this obsession with bands. Not just listening to them, but I wanted to be in one too.

Who needs a social life when you can have bands?

I did some digging and found this cool, trustworthy website where you could meet people online and start your own band. So I thought, why not? So I signed up and did my whole profile page and everything.

Then, after some time introducing myself and contacting existing bands I got a reply back. They wanted me as their lead singer (I don’t even remember what the band was called). So after a few emails I told the guy I had an original song they could use. I sent him the recording so he and the guys could sort out how to match all the instruments with it.

The result was…not so good. The drums weren’t really in time and the electric guitar covered most of the voices. I kind of cringed when I heard it. Not to be insulting but it was true. Afterwards, I gave them some feedback and they said that we could try again. So I wrote them another song, one that was more upbeat. The result still wasn’t impressive. The band just drifted apart after that and I haven’t gotten in contact with them since.

But then, a few months ago I stumbled across this guy’s Soundcloud account and realized he was an old bandmate. I looked through his profile and I found the song we did together but instead, it was just him. I felt used and somehow insulted at that point because he didn’t mention anything and took all the credit for himself and listed the song as ‘his’. That song didn’t happen to be one of my proudest ones so I decided not to make a deal out of it and let it go. But truth is, it still sucks because I spent time and effort on it.

The song, called ‘Winter Wonderland’, (no, it’s not a Christmas song) was originally dedicated to an online friend who passed away a year ago. So it meant something to me. However, that’s all in the past now and I have no idea what even inspired me to write all of this. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve still got interest in this ‘band stuff’. I actually spend too much time on the internet, (this I know as a fact) so I come across knowing a lot of people online. The thing is with the online world is that you never know when people come and go, they could be here today and gone tomorrow; they could be who they say they are or someone else completely. But at the end of the day, they might just think they same about you too.

(Hey, I just realized I used an Eminem lyric in that last paragraph.)

Sincerely,

The Anon

Happy Little Pill

I finally did it: uploaded my first Youtube video. 

Now I just have continue doing it. That’s going to be a challenge.

Basically what I did was a cover of Happy Little Pill by Troye Sivan. It’s my favorite song at the moment, so I thought, why not? But like everything I’ve done in the past year, I might end up giving it up.

I hope I don’t. 

Anyway, talk about stressful. I’ve got a week to finish my summer reading, which I haven’t even started yet and I’ve got to finish my doctor’s check up and forms for my new school. 

My new school looks great actually. But the only thing I’m having a problem with is the dress code. It’s formal, which basically means nothing in my wardrobe suits it. I have to go shopping. One thing I hate doing is shopping for clothes for a purpose. It’s almost impossible to find what you’re looking for.

You ever see something when you don’t need it, but then when you’re looking for it, it’s nowhere to be seen? Yeah, that’s my experience so far with school clothes. I have zero pieces of clothing for school.

So, my parents are shipping me off to this preppy boarding school in the US. I lived in China before all of this and now I’m halfway around the world. Before I was in China, I was here in Canada. Now I ditched my home in China and my ‘home’ is in Canada, but it doesn’t even feel like home. It’s just a house. I miss all my friends back at the International School I went to. See the thing with International Schools is that people come and go. I bet once I get back a few years later most of my friends would have probably already left. Not only did I ditched my home, I ditched my friends too. 

I feel like I dropped everything to go to a place I’m not even sure I’m going to fit in. I hope it’s damn near worth it.

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Just a casual post today. My last two posts were no fun. Has anyone done the ice bucket challenge yet? I got nominated but I’m not doing it. I donated but I’m not up for pouring ice water over myself. Nope.

Or maybe I’m just being a killjoy. (It doesn’t look that bad, does it?)

Honestly I don’t really get the ice bucket challenge. Yeah, I get the fact that it’s to raise awareness and donate money. I think that’s great! But teenagers (mostly) have sort of turned it into a game with the nominations and such. Really, it’s just my opinion and I do have a few. But it’s kind of bothering me because I know a lot of people just did the challenge and haven’t donated.

However, it’s still spreading awareness so I have nothing against it. What do you guys think?

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

Thought of the day

I thought I’d do a ‘thought of the day’ today. Originally, I thought of this a few weeks ago but I’m going to use it now.

“Everything is beautiful from a distance; but the closer you get, the more cracks you see, and the less beautiful it becomes.”

It’s my own quote. But I thought it was very insightful. How many times do we look at people we know and know them of the things they’ve done?

Take actors for an example. The multiple roles they play lead us to assume that that’s their personality. Even we try and convince ourselves not to, we still see them as the character they’ve played. Except it’s only their mask.

It’s friends as well. Strangers even. When we get a very nice first impression from someone, we see them as how they want to be seen. But as time passes, we realize how different they can be. That’s when the cracks start showing.

The only way to understand and accept someone’s flaws is to accept your own. The cracks each one of us has is how we can see each other’s flaws.

(I do realize I might have drifted off a bit.)

It takes a lot of courage to admit your own flaws.

Take my advice: don’t see your flaws as a disability, see them as a part of you that makes you human.

Sincerely,

The Anon

My Dream

When I was a little kid, I dreamed of making it big, that I’d perform my own songs in front of big crowds. But now that I grew up, I realize exactly how far away that journey is. And doubting it’s worth.

Stars get to make money for doing something they love doing (or so I hope). I admire them for that. I also admire people who haven’t made it big, but are performing on sidewalks because they’re doing what they love.

I used to think dreaming was a way to escape reality. But now I realize that I was really just turning a blind eye on it. We’re all real, I think the sooner we accept that the less we’ll feel disappointed. The thing about imagining is that it takes imagination to make something real, although what you achieve will never be how you imagined it will be.

I started writing songs when I was 13. I even taught myself how to play the guitar to help my write songs. I guess I was still lost in my dreams in being a star. Now I’m doubting everything. My mom told me last night that I needed a foundation for a job in the future.

The future is composed of nows. So what we’re doing now is the future. The thing with music industries is that it’s really unstable; especially making your way to the top and getting known. I’m not sure I’m ready to cope with that.

However, I’ll still continue songwriting. It’s what I like doing. So is singing.

I’m still growing up; I’ve still got choices. Maybe one day, I’ll make the right one.

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

You can’t deny my love

Man, this is annoying. My mom’s convinced I need to exercise, (which I probably do), so she made me bike 10 miles.

See, the thing with exercising is that it should be fun, but apparently that’s not the case for me.

Well yeah, I mean if you sign me up for soccer or something as exercise, I’d probably love it. I just can’t stand doing an ‘alone’ exercise.

So after, I come home sweaty and feeling completely horrible. Me being me, the first thing I ask for is food and she rejects me! Then she goes on about how I need to stay fit.

Um, mom, I’m pretty sure I’m not overweight. But nope, no food.

I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but as a kid (like when I was 12), I tried to maintain a running schedule. Needless to say, that obviously failed. Otherwise my mom wouldn’t be doing this to me now.

And then there’s always the juggle between junk food and staying healthy.

Yeah, my life story up there. I have stashes of m&m’s, oreo’s, chips etc. hidden in multiple places in my room. How do I have that and stay healthy? Well, I don’t.

Too bad, mom. Guess you can’t deny my love for food.

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

Procrastinator! What, me?

Good morning!

I still don’t understand how I procrastinate so much.

So I’ve been meaning to write this song, but I’ve only written the first verse and chorus. Now I just can’t be bothered to go finish it. Honestly it’s easy now, I just have to write the lyrics, but I’m too lazy.

The same happens to me for school. I can’t be the only one right? But for my finals every single year I would never revise. I’d just flip through my book on the way to school on the day of the exam. The shocking thing is: I always manage to somewhat ace the exam. Or end up with a bit-above-average grade. I think I need to fail one of my tests so I can learn not to procrastinate. Right now, I don’t see the harm in doing so.

I bet I’m not the only one. But seriously, my procrastination skills are oth

See what I did there? Ha ha. I’ll type that up later. (Guess what I was going to type?)

Anyways fellow internetians, it’s summer. Screw exams, screw teachers (not literally, unless you want to?), and most of all, screw high school drama.

 

Sincerely,

The Anon

 

Hey, it’s _ !

Hi, just thought I’d introduce myself. My name is _ . I’m a teenager, therefore I go to high school. Yeah, so I’m just your average teenage girl (literally) and I like music, tv shows, the things teenage people like. I’m ‘supposedly’ intimidating but to strangers I’m really just a blubbering mess. I’d like to think I’m hopefully more attractive than a seal. 

Let’s just get started then. Why waste time when all we’ve got is time?

Oh hey, now you get to stare at his drool worthy face while you read this. Doesn't that face just make you go 'omfg'? It should. Unless you're a guy then okay, you're forgiven.

look at his oh-so-amazing face

Oh hey, now you get to stare at his drool worthy face while you read this. Doesn’t that face just make you go ‘omfg’? It should. Unless you’re a guy then okay, you’re forgiven.

How many of you have watched How To Train Your Dragon 2 yet? I just watched it today with my friend. I don’t know how it did but the movie made me laugh my ass off. Then I turn around the cinema and we’re surrounded by kids and we’re probably the only teenagers. Then when we were heading out, I manage the spill popcorn all of a lady’s lap. Fan-freaking-tastic. I bolted right out of there, I could’ve gave Ursain Bolt a run for his money. (Punny ha ha. Get it? Okay that was lame.)

My fingers are done working out now, I hope you had a better day trying to ruin little kids’ lives.

 

Sincerely,

The Anon